Just found a beautiful red lace chemise for the bargain price of $536, reduced from $715.
Made Me Laugh
That didn’t come out quite right…
On seeing hubby for the first time since his heart attack, a friend hugged him and said, “I’m glad you didn’t die!”
That’s what she said…
The doctors were discussing the fluid in my husband’s left pleural cavity. The doctor in charge looked at him, smiled and said, “I want to tap that today.”
Yep. That’s what she said.
Observations from beside the hospital bed #8 + Things I wish I hadn’t seen #2
When a gentleman is in a shared ward and has donned a theatre gown in readiness for surgery that afternoon, he should keep his legs together and flat on the bed at all times unless covered by a sheet or blanket.
Otherwise, the innocent and demure wallflower sitting beside her husband across the room may see things that cannot be unseen.
Said gentleman may be thankful that said wallflower keeps her amusement to herself.
Poor bloke.
Really.
Observations from the hospital bedside #6
There are three men in this hospital room who have tattoos. One of them is well on his way to having his whole body covered.
Not one of them deals well with needles… But guess who complained the loudest?
The Bog Blog #3: The Final Crapter
A nurse just went into the bathroom and came out visibly shaken.
Hubby’s specimen extraordinaire has now been escorted out by security.
They are probably doing a postmortem now, even though it was still alive and launching its pan-to-nostrils offensives as it was being taken out.
I guess we can rest assured that it died fighting.
It sure as hell smelt that way.
It’s sure to be interred as peacefully as it came into the world.
The Bog Blog #2: Be Afraid.
The cleaner has been into the bathroom twice and walked out in disgust both times.
I think hubby’s stool sample is creating its own little code grey in there.
The Bog Blog #1: Stand and Deliver
The doctor asked for a stool sample, so this morning my husband obliged.
He has been telling nurses for 90 minutes that it’s in the bathroom waiting for them.
I’ve been adding my own commentary to the conversations:
“It’s THIS BIG!”
“I just checked… it’s now three feet long.”
“I guess you’re used to people trying to give you crap.”
“I guess if they don’t take it away, we’ll have to go on undeterred.”
“Your request has been logged.”
“Well, that’s just shit.”
“You weren’t meant to fill the whole container, you know…”
“It just kept piling up like he’s a soft-serve machine or something.”
“Any drinks or fries with your order?”
“There’s a bear in there…”
It’s a gift.
You’re welcome.
Oh wait, I can use that, too.
How do you know when your man is paying attention?
“I always pay attention, even when I’m not paying attention.”
Cleared that right up.
Observations from beside the hospital bed #3
The person who snores loudly beside you every night will be annoyed by the snoring of someone else in the room.
Every.
Time.
An Aussie Maple Leaf, adrift on the wind... 