My Life

Tattoo.

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Today is new tattoo day.

This tattoo honours my late father, my family, and my unique identity within it. My family’s surname is Dutch: Groenenboom, which translates to ‘green tree’.

I am thankful to be starting the new year by doing something to deeply meaningful. It is a positive way of acknowledging those who have passed, including my own father six months ago, those who are still flourishing, and my connection to them all.

I spent ages choosing the tree design, as there are myriad options available and many are gorgeous. I chose this one because it symbolises strength, beauty and grace. The maple leaf represents me, obviously, unique among the other leaves, but strongly connected and coming from the same source.

I am so proud that this symbolic tree is now part of me.

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DIY Hand Sanitiser

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This week, as one of my “I’m staying at home, so I’m going to make the time useful” projects, I made my own hand sanitiser. 

Sadly, in this time of corona virus and panic buying/hoarding by selfish people, there’s no real need to explain why. 

While there are several recipes in circulation on the internet, the one I used was given to me by my local natural health practitioner. I chose this recipe because it included Vitamin E oil to nourish and moisturise the skin.

Ingredients: 

  • 100 ml aloe vera gel
  • 80 ml water 
  • 1/2 tsp vitamin E oil 
  • 12 drops essential oil of choice
  • 1/3 cup isopropyl alcohol 

The original recipe had 1/4 tsp of vitamin E oil, which I doubled in the hope of preventing the nasty dryness and itching that I experience with so many of the commercial products. 

In the interests of making my lotion as cleanly as possible, I used room-temperature water out of the kettle, which had been boiled that morning. 

I don’t really like overly floral fragrances, so I chose something more aromatic and spicy: a blend of bergamot, sweet orange, cinnamon, cardamom and clove which not only smells really nice, it is strong enough to counter the smell of the alcohol and fragrance the lotion without being overpowering. 

Method:

  1. In a bowl, combine aloe vera gel, vitamin e oil and essential oils. 
  2. Add water and alcohol, mixing well to combine. 
  3. Pour into a clean, dry container. 

I used two 100 ml containers that I bought specifically for this purpose, as they are different from any of the other bottles or tubes of stuff in my house, and therefore won’t be confused with anything else. 

I also clearly labelled them, so that everyone in my house knows what is inside. 

I have been using this sanitiser for two days and have no dermatitis or nasty reaction yet. This is a very good sign, as I have sensitive skin and tend to react quickly to anything it doesn’t like. 

Four Years Migraine Free: A Happy Anniversary Indeed!

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Photo Credit: JillWellington on Pixabay

Today is the fourth anniversary of my daith piercing. That also makes today the fourth anniversary of the last of the debilitating migraines and chronic severe headaches that had plagued me consistently throughout my teens and adult life. 

My Daith Piercing

I don’t think I could ever forget the surprise and shock when that migraine— which I had had for five days— was gone within an hour of the piercing being done. I had definitely not expected that to happen! 

I also still remember the profound sense of clarity and awareness the following day when I was in the classroom and completely headache-free — an entirely new experience for me.

The niggling fear and suspicion that it couldn’t last and that the next migraine was lurking around some corner, waiting to accost me and steal my new lease on life, was a feeling that took some time to overcome.

That hasn’t happened yet, and while I realise that day might yet come, I no longer actively think about it. 

I am so incredibly thankful for the difference in my life that one piercing made. I am also thankful to my professional body piercer for her expertise, and for having taken the time to learn how to use her art for therapy and healing.

Vetiver Oil: A Grass Roots Therapy For Better Sleep

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One of my most consistent problems with sleeplessness is that I can be totally exhausted, but still unable to actually drop off to sleep. 

That’s mostly because of my fibromyalgia, but it is complicated by back pain on those nights when my pain relief medication fails to cut the mustard, as it sometimes does. 

Because I know from past experience that prescription sleeping medication causes my whole system to lag, and because of the strong pain killers I need to take for my back as well as my fibro, I feel very strongly about not having those other drugs in my regime. 

So, I recently visited my friendly local alternative health practitioner and asked, “What can you suggest to help me sleep?”

She suggested Vetiver Oil, diluted in fractionated coconut oil. The instructions say to apply it under both big toes and to the wrists, to inhale deeply on going to bed, and to reapply on waking through the night. 

Extracted from the roots of vetiver grass, vetiver oil is useful for calming emotions and relaxing the body.

The first night, I did doze off more easily. I also smelt like I was sleeping in the very damp leaf litter on the floor of a forest that didn’t get enough sunlight. Inhaling it deeply wasn’t anything I needed to do consciously — that was unavoidable! It is not an offensive smell, but it is distinctive and perhaps a little strong. 

On the second night I decidedto just go with it under the big toes, and I added a dab or two on the inside of my ankles instead of my wrists – I figured the circulation is near the skin there, too, and I wouldn’t find the smell so strong there. I found that it still helped me to drift off and the smell of the oil was not so pervasive. 

On the third night, I followed the same routine as the previous night. I also used some lemongrass oil on my fingers and hands for pain management, as I often do through the day. It wasn’t my intention, but I found the lemongrass balanced and lightened the vetiver quite effectively. That was a happy accident! 

I have been following that routine for a couple of weeks now, and while I still don’t fall asleep quickly, I have observed that drifting off is gentler and generally doesn’t take as long as it has done in the past. 

Having experienced difficulty falling asleep for as long as I can remember – even before the onset of fibromyalgia, it’s fir to say that any improvement is welcome. 

Fibro-my-Sunday.

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Image by Jordan_Singh on Pixabay

My plans for today are not optional. That is a luxury rarely available to me.

When I woke up, though, I realised my body has other ideas:

Me: “Come on, legs. You can do it!”
My legs: “No. We can’t.”
Me: “You have to.”
My legs: “Fine. But we’re going to make you suffer.”
My back: “I’m with them.”
My fingers: “Us too!”

I got up and showered. I needed the hot water for my back, but the water hitting my skin was painful.

I dressed, but then had to change into something made from softer fabric that didn’t hurt my skin so much just by being against it.

I downed my medications, hoping they would work quickly. They didn’t.

I drank my coffee, hoping the caffeine would make a difference. It didn’t.

I can’t take any more pain killers for hours. I can have more caffeine, though, so that is definitely happening.

This is one snapshot of one morning. One morning that is complete typical of many others in my life, and in the lives of other fibromyalgia sufferers.

And now, I am off to a full day of rehearsals that I have to attend because I am the director.

Today is going to be an exercise in perseverance and in drawing upon my actor’s craft. The role I play today needs to be motivated and excited, and able to project that motivation and commitment into my cast and crew.

I cannot fall over. I will not fall over. That is, at least, until I get home.

Tell you what, though. I’m glad my other half is cooking dinner, because I’m already exhausted.

How can insomnia be a good thing?

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Image by Fanette on Pixabay.com

This post struck a chord with me. I hate my insomnia, but because of it, I have written some incredible poetry at 3am.

I do try to manage it, and to practise good sleep hygiene, but sometimes my pain levels and my brain conspire against me.

On those night when I am not able to write, I find listening to talkback radio, a podcast or an audiobook helps me to relax and and least rest while I am awake.

I’d love to know what works for you.

Fibromyalgia Explained.

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Since I began posting about my experiences of Fibromyalgia, a number of friends have asked me to explain what it is. I always start with “I can really only tell you what it’s like for me…” 

I was recently introduced to a video by Dr Andrea Furlan, a pain specialist from Toronto, in which she explains the symptoms, possible causes and treatments for Fibromyalgia far better than I ever could. While some GPS are still fairly dismissive of this disease, Dr Furlan explains with empathy and understanding of both the physical and mental effects of Fibromyalgia on those who endure it.

Even though everyone experiences it a bit differently, it felt as though she spent most of the time actually talking about me. This tells me two things: she really knows what she is talking about, and she is a very good communicator. 

So, if you want to know more about Fibromyalgia, take the time to watch this video and find out why the people you know with this condition I find it so debilitating.

Things I Am Thankful For Tonight

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After two ridiculously hot days –40C or 104F–and a busy first week of the school year, my fibromyalgia pain is going nuts.

It’s currently 11.35pm and still warm out, even though a cool change came through a few hours ago and dropped the temperature by ten degrees in as many minutes. It’s also pouring rain – and I’m not going to complain about that!

I am lying in bed listening to the rain, hoping my pain meds will work quickly, and trying to focus on positive things instead of feeling miserable.

So, in no particular order, here is my list of things I am thankful for tonight:

  • Pain medication
  • Ceiling fans
  • Cool changes
  • Rain
  • Three seasons other than summer
  • My bed
  • Total adoration from Abbey the Labby
Abbey the Labby: so clever, she’s on Facebook.

Painsomnia and sleep deprivation

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The term ‘painsomnia’ is perfect for describing the impact of chronic pain on the sleep patterns of those who live with conditions like Fibromyalgia.

This post touches on so many aspects of my life with both Fibromyalgia and back pain.

I’m thankful to The Brainless Blogger for writing so clearly and honestly what many people struggle to explain.

If someone you know has a chronic pain condition, you need to read this and share it with everyone you know.

FibroMyFriday

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The aim of this post is not to complain. My spirit is still quite positive, albeit a little weary after working hard to tick things off my “do or die” list this week. Instead, my purpose is to raise awareness of what it’s like to live with Fibromyalgia. 

People cannot see my illness. It’s easy to feel sympathy for someone in a cast, a wheelchair or a hospital bed. I notice an immediate difference in people’s responses on the days I need to use my walking stick. Some are kinder, and most are more physically careful around me. 

Of course, there are always some who couldn’t care less about someone with a cane, but there is no point losing time or sleep getting upset about them. Their attitude only highlights the good in others’. 

My disease is invisible, although some of its effects are not. I may look tired, or upset, at times. My emotions sometimes get a bit messy, although I am a good actor so most people don’t know that. 

After a busy and somewhat stressful week, my body is letting me know how unimpressed it is. 
My pain levels are in the “stupid” range. 
My legs don’t want to bend anymore. 
I have zero need to take my pulse because everything is throbbing. 
Even  typing this is slow because my fingers hurt too.

To anyone else, I probably just look like someone in a recliner, covered with a quilt on a cold night, typing on her iPad. The truth is, I want to go to bed but I don’t want to move because I ache so badly.

I have medicated, but it’s not touching the pain. That’s always good. 

In a further act of bodily insubordination, my very dodgy spine is giving me spasms— yet another an indication that I have probably (read: definitely) overdone it, yet again. 

I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want medals or admiration, or people telling me I’m brave.

What I want is for people to understand that Fibromyalgia and other “invisible illnesses” are not imaginary. They are not something we adopt because they are “trendy”. 

Fibromyalgia hurts. And it sucks. And it doesn’t go away. 

And if you think I “don’t look sick”? Just remember, you can’t see my superhero cape, either.