Made Me Laugh

International ‘Ice Cream For Breakfast’ Day Is Actually A Thing!

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Until today, I had no idea that there was a day of international observance for ‘Ice Cream For Breakfast’, but it’s one I can totally get behind.

It’s celebrated on the first Saturday of February each year. Who knew? And why didn’t they tell me?

Of course, I found out after breakfast. But hey… it’s Saturday, and one can have breakfast at any time of day… right?

So, I’m thinking of skipping lunch and heading right for breakfast. Of course, it will depend what I’ve got in the freezer, given that I am also observing my own very localised day of ‘No Plans To Leave The House’.

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

Otherwise, I’d be very tempted to head back to Timboon Ice Creamery for another serve of their maple and cinnamon ice cream, which tastes like Canada and heaven and happiness.

Who Says Gentlemen Don’t Exist Anymore?

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Today I took my sister, my brother-in-law and my 86 year old dad shopping. Between my dodgy spine and Fibromyalgia, I generally walk slowly.  Imagine my surprise today, then, when I actually found myself walking faster than someone else in the shopping centre.

Sure, he was 90ish and had a walker, but he was very gracious and let me enjoy my moment.

Who says gentlemen don’t exist anymore?

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Think About What You’re Asking.

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My sister just called out to me from the kitchen while she was chopping vegetables.

Her: Are you two big vegetable eaters?

Me: If they’re big, we cut them up first.

Her: Huh?

Me: How do you even cook it unless you cut it up?

Her: No. That’s not what I’m asking.

Me: *looks at her expectantly*

Her: Do you eat a lot of vegetables?

Me: See now, that’s an entirely different question.

Her: *shows me the saucepan* Is this enough for four of us?

Me: No.

 

And she has the nerve to walk away rolling her eyes. Some people are just hard to please.

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My New Career… Or Not.

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Today I was at a potluck lunch where the guests included a number of my relatives. 

When I walked in, my sister-in-law congratulated me on the award I won this week for my book, Nova. 

“What did you win an award for?” One of the ladies asked, with a time that suggested she was surprised that I could win an award for anything. 

“Pole dancing,” I replied. 

Nobody laughed. It was such a good line, too. 

One lovely young lady, whom I didn’t know, said, “Really? That’s fantastic!”

Seriously, one look at me should have told her I am no pole dancer. Between my decrepit spine and my fibromyalgia, the only thing I can ever climb these days is the pain scale between 1 and 10. 

“No, it was for my book. I write poetry.”

“Oh. That’s… kind of cool.” 

But not as cool as pole dancing. I get it. 

Spirit Animals. 

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While perusing the Book of Face this morning, I saw a photo of a beautiful horse that has been turned into the closest thing  to a real-life rainbow unicorn that you’re ever going to see. It’s magnificent!

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“Hey!” I said to my office buddy, who is always cheerful, positive and full of energy, “I found your spirit animal!”

I showed her the picture and explained,  “I’m sure your spirit animal is a rainbow unicorn!”

She laughed and then asked, “What do you think yours is?”

“Probably a pissed-off squirrel,” I answered.

Then we laughed, because we both knew I was right.

No Wonder I’m Confused.

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Today I was talking with LMC about why it is good to learn French, and where people speak French around the world. I told her that she would need to speak French if she wanted to go to Canada. 

“Can we just not go to Gettysburg?” she asked. 

“Gettysburg isn’t in Canada!” I said.

“It’s not?”

“No. It’s in America. It’s where there was a really decisive battle in the American Civil War, and where Abraham Lincoln delivered an important speech called the Gettysburg address.”

“Abraham Lincoln. Wasn’t he the guy on a coin?” 

“The guy on a coin…”

“Yeah, and if you’re under a bridge and it falls down on you, it’s good luck.”

“Dude, if you’re under a bridge and it falls on you, it’s not good luck.”

“No, I mean if the coin falls on you…”

“The coin with Abraham Lincoln on it.”

“Yeah!!”

The Importance Of Listening. 

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We had a family afternoon today. Because it’s a school night, I had sent LMC for a shower so that she could wash her hair. Sitting around the table after dinner, LMC was playing with the dragonfly pendant hanging on the chain around her neck. 

LMC’s mother said to her, “Make sure you change your necklace before school tomorrow.”

Indignant, LMC said, “I already changed them!”

We laughed hard, and LMC just looked at us oddly. 

“Necklace, honey. Not nickers.”

“Ooooohhhhhhhh!” she said. Then she laughed, too.

Fun times.

My contribution. 

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My husband is spending today door-knocking and collecting in  for Red Cross. 

We met at the bakery for lunch, where he asked the baker for a donation.

A lady turned to him and asked what he was doing. 

“He’s walking the streets to make money,” I said. 

Everyone laughed, so I added, “… bet he would have made more if he’d borrowed my fishnets.”

It’s official. I’m hilarious. 

Racking up the laughs.

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This morning, my man made bacon, eggs and grilled tomatoes for an Easter Sunday breakfast. 

One of our guests dropped a little on her white skirt and commented that it was going to be hard to get the mark out.

“Make-up wipes will get it out,” I said helpfully.

“Oh, thank you! Great tip!” she said. 

Just as she was putting more food in her mouth, I leaned over to my husband and whispered quite loudly, “She said I’ve got great tits!”

Just as I had hoped,  my friend nearly spat her food out again as she laughed. 

And then, as diplomatic as ever, my husband said,”I don’t think that’s what she said.”

“As if she didn’t,” I said, indicating the general area, “Check ’em out!” 
And then nobody knew what to say.

Good times.